"It has seemed to me that each year one should pause to take stock of himself, to ask: Where am I going? What am I becoming? What do I wish to do and become? Most people whom I encountered were without purpose, people who had given themselves no goal.  The first goal need not be the final one, for a sailing ship sails first by one wind, then another. the point is that it is always going somewhere, proceeding toward a final destination" (Louis L'Amour in The Walking Drum).

January has been a time of reflection for me. What do I want to have happen this year? I am busy and I am trying to do good things, but am I becoming what God wants me to be? Doing is different than becoming. A mission is good at softening one's heart, or should I say cracking it open. "God," I plead, "tell me how I can change and improve. Help me with this, and with this." I wonder sometimes if my rough spots really can be smoothed. Not on my own, that's for sure, but with the grace of Jesus Christ I can change.

 

The Chinese bamboo tree is planted after the earth is prepared, and for the first four years, all of the growth is underground. The only thing visible above the ground is a little bulb and a small shoot coming out of it. Then, in the fifth year, the bamboo tree grows up to eighty feet.  Principle centered leaders understand the metaphor of the bamboo tree. They know what it means to pay the price to prepare the ground, to plant the seed, and to fertilize and cultivate and water and weed, even when they can't see immediate results, because they have faith that ultimately they will reap the fruits in the harvest. And what wonderful fruits they are!
(Stephen R. Covey, A. Roger Merrill, Rebecca R. Merrill, First Things First, pg. 265)

(An email that I sent this week to my family)

Dear family,

This report is certainly delayed because term 3 was completed back in November, and yet I am just reporting to you now. I have four months of the program left and I am excited to be finished, and yet I am enjoying every bit of the learning! 

The assigned books have all been instructive. I have four assigned books I am reading now, but our teacher will also "count" hours of reading other books that are beneficial for my spiritual progression, so I am able to count any spiritual study towards my hours, which is great. I have not minded reading the assigned books, nor have I begrudged the written assignments. I am not only learning facts and methods, but I am stretching emotionally and spiritually.

One of the things we have learned is to allow people we are visiting with to "sit" in/with their emotions.  Whatever it is that a person is feeling is acceptable. We should not tell people not to feel that way nor try to rush them along, even if it is a "negative" emotion. "To feel is to heal," so the concept goes.  Get it out, talk about it, lean into it, work through it, and then you will be able to move on from it.  As I have learned this concept, I have realized what a poor job I did as a mother in this regard.  I am absolutely sure that when one of you had a negative emotion during your childhood years, that I tried to distract you from feeling it or I tried to rush you along.  Of course, I thought I was helping you, but I should have let you sit and be sad for a while, or angry, or whatever. There is a large amount of introspection in this course and I have realized many mistakes I have made in the past along with much I need to currently work on.

Of course, the highlight of the course has been the people I have met, both the hospice patients and the residents of Sunrise Assisted Living. I have been visiting some patients weekly now since March, which means I have come to know them and love them! It is really sad for me when they pass away, but I have to learn to deal with that, as there will be many goodbyes. I have found that attending their funerals when possible helps me with the closure process, as well as writing in my journal detailing the things I learned from them. Sometimes I have a chance to say goodbye, and other times I do not. Those patients who are afflicted with severe physical limitations or dementia are blessed to pass on, in my opinion. I could go on and on about the people I visit with, but I will spare you the lengthy details.

Overall, I hope that this course has helped me to become a more compassionate, less judgmental, kinder, and more sensitive person. I want to be a person who others feel comfortable talking with, including each of you.

Thank you for your support in my journey!

Love,

Mom

 

I really liked reading what Brother Wilcox had to say about grace. I recommend this book. Here are some lines that resonated with me, and I could list many more:

God is a “God of grace." His gift is not a prize for the righteous. His help is not a reward for the worthy. It is not waiting for us once we change.  It is the power we need throughout the entire perfecting process. No wonder we sing with all our hearts, “Oh, it is wonderful, wonderful to me!” (pg. 5, referencing Hymns no. 88 and 193).

Think of a child in school who has been assigned to write a story.  He is not better off by leaving his paper clean with no marks on it. A clean sheet of paper is not the goal.  He needs to write his first draft.  The teacher then suggests he add in more description and detail.  Maybe she suggests that he use a different word here or there and fix some spelling and punctuation errors.  The student returns to his desk and makes changes.  A perfect first draft is not the goal. The teacher knows that improving the writing is only a way of improving the writer. It is the same for us as we choose to engage with Christ in the repentance process (pgs. 153, 154).

It may take us years to realize that some of the greatest evidences of God’s love are the closed doors He sends when we are praying for open ones. His delays are not always denials.  If we can look back and see His hand in our lives in the past, we must press forward believing that same hand will be evident in the future. If we can see He has brought us to this point, we must believe He does not intend to drop us now (pg. 118).

You may have heard about the commencement address given by tennis star Roger Federer at Dartmouth.  I read the entire script and I thought it was fantastic! He shared many great points including:

Do you dress like this every day at Dartmouth? The robe is hard to move in.  Keep in mind I've worn shorts almost every day for the last 35 years.

"Effortless" is a myth. I mean it. People would say my play was effortless.  Most of the time, they meant it as a compliment, but it used to frustrate me when they would say, "He barely broke a sweat!" Or "Is he even trying?" The truth is, I had to work very hard to make it look easy. Hopefully, like me, you learned that "effortless" is a myth.

I didn't get where I got on pure talent alone.  I got there by trying to outwork my opponents. I believed in myself, but belief in yourself has to be earned. Yes, talent matters.  I'm not going to stand here and tell you it doesn't. But talent has a broad definition. Most of the time, it's not about having a gift.  It's about having grit. In tennis, a great forehand with sick racquet head speed can be called a talent, but in tennis like in life, discipline is also a talent. And so is patience. Trusting yourself is a talent.  Embracing the process, loving the process, is a talent.  Managing your life, managing yourself, these can be talents too. Some people are born with them. Everybody has to work at them.

When you're playing a point, it is the most important thing in the world.  But when it's behind you, it's behind you. This mindset is really crucial, because it frees you to fully commit to the next point, and the next one after that with intensity, clarity and focus.

The truth is, whatever game you play in life, sometimes you're going to lose.  A point, a match, a season, a job, it's a roller coaster, with many ups and downs. and it's natural, when you're down, to doubt yourself, to feel sorry for yourself. But negative energy is wasted energy. 

You want to become a master at overcoming hard moments.  That to me is the sign of a champion. The best in the world are not the best because they win every point. It's because they know they'll lose again and again, and have learned how to deal with it. You accept it.  Cry it out if you need to then force a smile.  You move on.  Be relentless.  Adapt and grow.  Work harder.  Work smarter.  Remember: work smarter.

When I was just starting out, I knew that tennis could show me the world, but tennis could never be the world.

 

Clayton Young is a professional runner who will be representing the United States in the Olympics this summer. I listened to him speak in a podcast this week and here are some of his wise words:

"Excellence is the result of boring and repetitive tasks over a long period of time. Excellences really is mundane because it focuses on the process instead of the outcome.  The excellent outcome is often the result of the mundane process, so the more you focus on the mundane process, the more excellent the outcome will be. When the mundane shifts form a checklist in your head to a checklist in your heart, that's when you really start to see a positive outcome."
 

Today I am thinking about self-improvement. I read this:

"A family made plans to go on a fun trip together. They were excited to visit a new place and have some great adventures. About halfway through their trip, their car broke down. They were sad and discouraged. They felt that all their efforts had been wasted, so they decided to go back home and start their trip all over again. Now, you may say to yourself, that is ridiculous—why would they completely start over? But don’t we do the same thing sometimes? Sometimes we feel discouraged or falsely believe that one little mistake erases all the progress we have made. But mistakes don’t erase the progress we make as we strive to become more like Jesus Christ."

(Self-Control: A Cycle of Trying and Failing By Ben Erwin, Liahona, August 2023)

I like this encouraging thought too:

"Don't attempt to remodel yourself completely all at once.  Take one trait at a time.  Work on it alone for a week, or a month, or a year.  When it is conquered, proceed to the net one.  In a few years, you surely will have weeded most of your own enemies."

(Mary M. Ellsworth, "A Message to Young Mothers, Oct. 1963 RS Magazine)

I really liked a digital-only article in the September Liahona titled, "What If Everything I Did Was Motivated by Love for God?" by Maryssa Dennis. 

Maryssa begins, "I used to think of being Christlike as a hefty list of things I had to do and be.  When I tried to set goals, I'd get overwhelmed thinking about how far I was from where I should be. I felt like I was failing in so many ways I didn't know where to start. I realized that I'd been more focused on "doing" the gospel than becoming like the Savior.  Somehow, with so many distractions, the love got lost along the way.  But wasn't love supposed to be the point?

I decided to set a simple goal: "Do one thing each day to love God, others, and myself."

After just a few days, I was amazed by the difference.  With showing Christlike love as my goal, things that usually felt like a chore became expressions of love for God, others, and myself. I started looking for new opportunities to express love. I felt like I was seeing the world with new eyes, and as I looked for ways to love, I also noticed the love that was all around me every day.  I added a new section to my journal entries: "How I've seen God's love today."

When I felt like I was failing, Jesus Christ's love is what lifted me back up. When I feel the Savior's love, I want to reflect it back into the world.

 Three books I learned from:

I have long admired the wisdom of Steven Covey.

 

Imagine you were to come upon someone in the woods working feverishly to saw down a tree. 

“What are you doing?” you ask.

“Can’t you see?” comes the impatient reply. “I’m sawing down this tree.”

“You look exhausted!” you exclaim.  “How long have you been at it?”

“Over five hours,” he returns, “and I’m beat! This is hard work.”

“Well, why don’t you take a break for a few minutes and sharpen the saw?” you inquire.  “I’m sure it would go a lot faster.”

“I don’t have time to sharpen the saw,” the man says emphatically.  “I’m too busy sawing!” (pg. 11)

It is possible to be busy—very busy—without being very effective (pg. 42).

You have to decide what your highest priorities are and have the courage—pleasantly, smilingly, unapologetically—to say “no” to other things.  And the way you do that is by having a bigger “yes” burning inside (pg. 68).

 

Bob Goff reminded me to love people; 

 

Loving the people who are easy to love made me feel like I was really good at it (pg. 2).

God didn’t give us neighbors to be our projects; He surrounded us with them to be our teachers (pg. 21).

Catch people on the bounce.  When they mess up, reach out to them with love and acceptance the way Jesus did. When they hit hard, run to them with your arms wide open to hug them even harder (pgs. 56, 57).

If you want to become love, stop just agreeing with Jesus.  Go call someone right now.  Lift them up in ways they can’t lift themselves.  Send them a text message and say you’re sorry.  I know they don’t deserve it.  You didn’t either.  Don’t put a toe in the water with your love; grab your knees and do a cannonball.  Move from the bleachers to the field and you won’t ever be the same (pg. 219).

It is at the dinner table that we socialize and civilize our children, teaching them manners and the art of conversation. At the dinner table parents can determine portion sizes, model eating and drinking behavior, and enforce social norms about greed and gluttony and waste.  Shared meals are about much more than fueling bodies; they are uniquely human institutions where our species developed language and this thing we call culture (pg. 189).

A diet based on quantity rather than quality has ushered a new creature onto the world stage: the human being who manages to be both overfed and undernourished, two characteristics seldom found in the same body in the long natural history of our species (pg. 122).

Eat food. Not too much.  Mostly plants (pg. 1).

Don’t eat anything your great grandmother wouldn’t recognize as food (pg. 148).

Don’t eat anything incapable of rotting (pg. 149).

Eat meals. We are snacking more and more and eating fewer meals together. Americans have added to the traditional big three—breakfast, lunch, and dinner—an as-yet-untitled fourth daily eating occasion that lasts all day long: the constant sipping and snacking we do while watching TV, driving, and so on (pg. 188).