Journal entry, June 2025:

I have never relied on the Atonement more than this week! We are facing the impossible and we are doing the best we can. God the Father, Jesus Christ, the Holy Ghost and angels on both side of the veil are helping us. I accomplish three things and five are added to my list. There are forms to fill out, boxes to pack, mountains of things to read, lessons for the MTC to prepare, and on and on. I am so tired! I haven't been sleeping well. Friends and family are being very supportive. I realize what an encouraging quote, prayer, text, or hug means. I pray for strength, a good attitude, faith and patience. It will be a miracle if we can pull this off! (We were blessed to make it to the MTC twelve days after being called).

Journal entry, June 2026:

This mission provides time for reflection and repentance. A cleansing and rebuilding can take place if I allow it. My flaws and weaknesses are more evident, and I have come to realize more fully my dependence on the Savior. This is a good time for me to step back and really think about who I am and where I am headed or turned. Where is my head and where is my heart? Do I tell the people in my life who mean the most to me that I love them? Do I reach out with love and concern? Am I selfish? Am I proud? Am I negligent of things I should be doing? Are the most important things and people getting the most time? What does God really mean to me? Am I able to sacrifice everything for Him and the gospel?

 

In April 2017, Rabbi Sacks presented a TED Talk titled, "Facing the Future Without Fear, Together."  He made many excellent points, including:

What do we worship? I think future anthropologists will take a look at the books we read on self-help, self-realisation, self-esteem. They’ll look at the way we talk about morality as being true to one’s self, the way we talk about politics as a matter of individual rights, and they’ll look at this wonderful new religious ritual we have created, you know the one called the selfie. I think they’ll conclude that what we worship in our time is the self, the ‘me’, the ‘I’.

This is great. It’s liberating. It’s empowering. It’s wonderful. But don’t forget that biologically we’re social animals. We spent most of our evolutionary history in small groups. We need those face to face interactions where we learn the choreography of altruism and where we create those spiritual goods like friendship, and trust, and loyalty, and love that redeem our solitude. When we have too much of the I and too little of the we, we can find ourselves vulnerable, fearful, and alone.

Every time we hold out the hand of friendship to somebody not like us whose colour, or class, or creed are different from ours, we heal one of the fractures of our wounded world. That is the us of relationship.

This is the song that I listened to over and over while walking early this morning (Coldplay--"Moon Music"). As you listen to this piece, I think you will see why it blended in with my feelings of peace as the sun rose.

Happiness is three different zone conference choirs at three different days of multi-zone conferences. These pictures were taken while the choirs were rehearsing. First a piece has to be chosen, and then an instrumentalist is asked to accompany the choir (one instrumentalist for each day/location), and then a group of vocalists is chosen (out of the many volunteers) to sing one verse together before the choir joins in. The numbers amazingly come together in short rehearsals before each zone conference begins. these are not stellar, polished, four-part numbers, but they are beautiful nonetheless.

The missionaries love to perform and be a part of things and I love to hear them sing!

 

Today I cried and that is not usual for me. I try so hard to be brave and not think about what or who I miss, but today homesickness hit and I let the tears come, at least for a few minutes. It all started with lunch. After the branch conference I was handed a carton of lunch. Three very kind ladies made lunch for everyone in the branch, and I appreciate their generosity and service. In the lunch there was a large portion of rice, a meat and vegetable dish, and some kind of sauce in a baggie. I thought the sauce was some kind of gravy to pour on the rice, and as I began to open the baggie, a missionary whispered, "Sister Clarke, don't open that. You don't want to eat that." I asked, "Why? What is it?" The missionary answered, "Pig's blood." I did not open the baggie. I ate a little rice and a few bites of the meat and vegetable dish and then I shut the carton lid. Oh, I should mention that no utensils were handed out. A few people were given hand baggies to eat their food with, but then the baggies ran out so people were eating with their bare hands. 

Then before leaving the chapel, I needed to use the CR (comfort room is what they call a restroom here). I always put off using the CR because the condition of the bathrooms is really disappointing. Sure enough there was no soap, not even a sink, no toilet paper, and the bathroom was very dirty.

When we started the drive home, I began to think of family members I missed at home and a wave of homesickness hit. I thought, "I don't want to be here with pig's blood and dirty bathrooms! I am a lady! I am not used to living like this! I would really like to be with my children on Mother's Day!" The tears fell for about five minutes and then I pulled myself together. It is important for me to stay focused on the blessings of serving here and the beauty found in the people and the country. As is the case with any endeavor, you find what you are looking for. If I focus on all that I miss, I will be miserable, but if I focus on the blessings of being here, I will find happiness. When we arrived home a couple of hours later, I purposefully kicked myself out the door to visit the female senior missionaries and wish them a happy Mother's Day. 

I must not think inward, but outward. This is all good for me and I am experiencing and learning a lot.

"Joseph Smith's First Prayer" is a beautiful hymn and this is a marvelous arrangement of it. The pianist is exceptional as is the blend, dynamics, and emotion of the BYU Women's Choir. The fourth verse is my favorite.

 

This week in our Come Follow Me lesson, a talk is recommended by President Henry B. Eyring titled, "Holiness and the Plan of Happiness." I have listened to the talk repeatedly because lines in his message are meaningful to me, and particularly appropriate for my circumstance.

President Eyring states, "Greater happiness comes from greater personal holiness. Greater holiness will not come simply by asking for it, it will come by doing what is needed for God to change us."

I seek for both greater happiness and greater holiness. I understand that to become more holy I need to allow God to change me, and that requires action on my part, not just wishful thoughts. I have been praying for humility and have been repenting daily, and I can feel a cleansing going on, and an opening of my heart. For some reason, this mission has provided me a chance to thoroughly examine myself, and my weaknesses are glaringly evident. I appreciate the thorough cleaning, though this process is hard work and sometimes painful.

President Eyring quoted President Nelson, "The Lord does not expect perfection from us at this point, but He does expect us to become increasingly pure. Daily repentance is the pathway to purity."

To become "increasingly pure" is such a beautiful phrase. This is my character goal--to become increasingly pure as the world becomes more wicked, to become more like the Savior and full of light, and to allow the Lord to refine and polish me. This purifying process will probably happen slowly and incrementally, but I am trying to face in the right direction and take steps to progress.

 H  U  M  I  L  I  T  Y

Humility is the Christlike attribute I am concentrating on, and I am learning a lot about it. Here are some things I studied today:

Admit.

Apologize.

Be slow to anger.

Be quick to forgive.

Repent.

Cultivate more love.

Speak kinder.

("Is Pride Stopping You From Being a Loving Spouse?" by Aspen Yip, April 2026 Liahona)

Learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart (Matthew 11:29).

Am I meek and lowly of heart?

I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things (Alma 26:12).

Do I give credit to God for the strength He has provided me?

Always returning thanks unto God for whatsoever things ye do receive (Alma 7:23).

Am I grateful for all that I have received?

I cried unto him in prayer and supplication (Enos 1:4).

Are my prayers earnest and sincere?

When they are learned they think they are wise, and they hearken not unto the counsel of God, for they set it aside, supposing they know of themselves (2 Nephi 9:28).

Do I think I have an issue figured out without asking God for counsel?

Submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord (Mosiah 24:15).

Am I patient and cheerful while serving the Lord?

I am impressed with the sculptures of Carol Dunford Jackman. It is intriguing to me that she became a sculptor later in life, and that her experiences as a woman and mother bring emotion to her work. She explains, “My sculpture is an integral part of who I am, and I hope that my work portrays the joy I feel for life, and for the creation of of the work. I sculpt for the love of it, and from the deep emotional need to do it.“

("Of Such is the Kingdom of Heaven")

"Mother in Heaven, Mother of Earth"

 

Two times since arriving in the Philippines we have made our way to Texas Roadhouse and enjoyed an American hamburger. There is a Texas Roadhouse restaurant in a mall not too far away, and after serving after serving of rice, something American tastes absolutely delicious. Ah, the simple pleasures of life! We ate with confidence and there were no stomach issues afterwards.