Today I cried and that is not usual for me. I try so hard to be brave and not think about what or who I miss, but today homesickness hit and I let the tears come, at least for a few minutes. It all started with lunch. After the branch conference I was handed a carton of lunch. Three very kind ladies made lunch for everyone in the branch, and I appreciate their generosity and service. In the lunch there was a large portion of rice, a meat and vegetable dish, and some kind of sauce in a baggie. I thought the sauce was some kind of gravy to pour on the rice, and as I began to open the baggie, a missionary whispered, "Sister Clarke, don't open that. You don't want to eat that." I asked, "Why? What is it?" The missionary answered, "Pig's blood." I did not open the baggie. I ate a little rice and a few bites of the meat and vegetable dish and then I shut the carton lid. Oh, I should mention that no utensils were handed out. A few people were given hand baggies to eat their food with, but then the baggies ran out so people were eating with their bare hands. 

Then before leaving the chapel, I needed to use the CR (comfort room is what they call a restroom here). I always put off using the CR because the condition of the bathrooms is really disappointing. Sure enough there was no soap, not even a sink, no toilet paper, and the bathroom was very dirty.

When we started the drive home, I began to think of family members I missed at home and a wave of homesickness hit. I thought, "I don't want to be here with pig's blood and dirty bathrooms! I am a lady! I am not used to living like this! I would really like to be with my children on Mother's Day!" The tears fell for about five minutes and then I pulled myself together. It is important for me to stay focused on the blessings of serving here and the beauty found in the people and the country. As is the case with any endeavor, you find what you are looking for. If I focus on all that I miss, I will be miserable, but if I focus on the blessings of being here, I will find happiness. When we arrived home a couple of hours later, I purposefully kicked myself out the door to visit the female senior missionaries and wish them a happy Mother's Day. 

I must not think inward, but outward. This is all good for me and I am experiencing and learning a lot.

Today I read these tips written by Edwin Friedman and I agree with his suggestions. I need to work on #6, specifically calming my mind while I work on one thing, and not thinking about other things but completely zoning in to where I am and what I am doing at the moment.

Suggestions for coping with stress:

1.       Find an outlet for working off stress.

2.       Talk to someone about your worries.

3.       Learn to accept what you cannot change.

4.       Try to balance the time between work and recreation.

5.       Be sure to get sufficient rest and sleep.

6.       Do one thing at a time instead of trying to tackle all of your tasks at once.

7.       Get out and make yourself available instead of sitting alone and feeling sorry for yourself.

8.       Do something for others (pgs. 216, 217, Generation to Generation).

You may have heard about the commencement address given by tennis star Roger Federer at Dartmouth.  I read the entire script and I thought it was fantastic! He shared many great points including:

Do you dress like this every day at Dartmouth? The robe is hard to move in.  Keep in mind I've worn shorts almost every day for the last 35 years.

"Effortless" is a myth. I mean it. People would say my play was effortless.  Most of the time, they meant it as a compliment, but it used to frustrate me when they would say, "He barely broke a sweat!" Or "Is he even trying?" The truth is, I had to work very hard to make it look easy. Hopefully, like me, you learned that "effortless" is a myth.

I didn't get where I got on pure talent alone.  I got there by trying to outwork my opponents. I believed in myself, but belief in yourself has to be earned. Yes, talent matters.  I'm not going to stand here and tell you it doesn't. But talent has a broad definition. Most of the time, it's not about having a gift.  It's about having grit. In tennis, a great forehand with sick racquet head speed can be called a talent, but in tennis like in life, discipline is also a talent. And so is patience. Trusting yourself is a talent.  Embracing the process, loving the process, is a talent.  Managing your life, managing yourself, these can be talents too. Some people are born with them. Everybody has to work at them.

When you're playing a point, it is the most important thing in the world.  But when it's behind you, it's behind you. This mindset is really crucial, because it frees you to fully commit to the next point, and the next one after that with intensity, clarity and focus.

The truth is, whatever game you play in life, sometimes you're going to lose.  A point, a match, a season, a job, it's a roller coaster, with many ups and downs. and it's natural, when you're down, to doubt yourself, to feel sorry for yourself. But negative energy is wasted energy. 

You want to become a master at overcoming hard moments.  That to me is the sign of a champion. The best in the world are not the best because they win every point. It's because they know they'll lose again and again, and have learned how to deal with it. You accept it.  Cry it out if you need to then force a smile.  You move on.  Be relentless.  Adapt and grow.  Work harder.  Work smarter.  Remember: work smarter.

When I was just starting out, I knew that tennis could show me the world, but tennis could never be the world.

 

Ghandi is recognized as one of history’s greatest spiritual and political leaders. Born in 1869 in India, Gandhi earned the title “father of the nation” in India for pioneering mass nonviolent civil disobedience, a tactic used to resist tyranny. He was imprisoned multiple times for his activism through noncooperation. Gandhi is credited with easing poverty, promoting religious harmony, expanding women’s rights and his role in freeing India from British domination. Here are a few quotes from Ghandi:

A man is but the product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes.

There are two days in the year that we can not do anything, yesterday and tomorrow.

If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him. We need not wait to see what others do.

In doing something, do it with love or never do it at all.

When I despair, I remember that all through history the ways of truth and love have always won. There have been tyrants, and murderers, and for a time they can seem invincible, but in the end they always fall. Think of it — always.

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.

You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty.

The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.

(https://www.deseret.com/u-s-world/2022/12/26/23501773/gandhi-best-quotes-mahatma)

These two books provided tools to help me calm my mind, and I liked them both.

Meditation is about leaving behind the idea that we are doing it perfectly. Simply relax into what is. We don’t need to do anything. We rest in the space between our thoughts and emotions, between our aches and pains and worries. There is
incredible wisdom to this open, present space (pgs. 55, 56).

In meditation, you are moving close and closer to yourself, and you begin to understand yourself so much more clearly.  With regular practice, you see what you do over and over and over again. You see that you replay the same tapes over and over and over in your mind.  Meditation helps us to clearly see ourselves and the habitual patterns that limit our life. You begin to see your opinions clearly.  You see your judgments.  You see your defense mechanisms.  Meditation deepens your understanding of yourself (pg. 8). 

Meditation teaches us how to let go. You train again and again in not making things such a big deal. Generally speaking, the human species does make things a very big deal.  Our problems are a big deal for us.  So we need to make space for an attitude of honoring things completely and at the same time not making them a big deal. We hold a sense of respect toward all things, along with the ability to let go (pg. 153).

 

Anxiety is often the consequence of perceived chaos.  If we sense we are victims of unseen, turbulent, random forces, we are troubled. Perceived control creates calm.  Lack of control gives birth to fear. Rather than seeking total control, relinquish it.  We can’t take control, because control is not ours to take. You can’t run the world, but you can entrust it to God (pgs. 22-24).

There are many things in life over which you have no choice.  But the greatest activity of life is well within your dominion.  You can choose what you think about. You can be the air traffic controller of your mental airport.  You occupy the control tower and can direct the mental traffic of your world. Thoughts circle above, coming and going. If one of them lands, it is because you gave it permission.  If it leaves, it is because you directed it to do so. You can select your thought pattern. Thoughts have consequences (pg. 121).