I can remember the day this picture was taken, many years ago.  Our son was playing in an ultimate frisbee tournament and he and his team were playing hard, as evidenced by the dirt on his uniform. When our son's emotions were intense, he would talk to his dad between games, and his dad knew how to listen.

 

One of the attributes that I most admire about my husband is his non-rushed, calm way of listening. He is a good sounding board.  He does not become so emotionally charged that he cannot reason or think clearly. He knows when to give people space. In this case, he would wait until our son was ready to talk, and then he would be available. He is a diffuser and a calming presence.

 

 

Mothering is going away as an institution and as a way of life.

Various government efforts to reverse the plummeting birthrate haven’t proven effective. For instance, Taiwan spent more than $3 billion to incentivize families to have more children, including six months of paid parental leave, a cash benefit, tax breaks for parents with young children, and investment in day care centers. These kinds of incentives are important, but to really move the needle, incentives have to emerge from within, from “the reasons of the heart.”

I suppose it boils down to some sort of deeply held thing, possibly from childhood — a platinum conviction — that the capacity to conceive children, to receive them into my arms, to take them home, to dwell with them in love, to sacrifice for them as they grow, and to delight in them as the Lord delights in us, that that thing, call it motherhood, call it childbearing, that that thing is the most worthwhile thing in the world — the most perfect thing I am capable of doing (Quoting Catherine Pakuluk).

Centuries ago, children had economic value; for example, they provided help on farms. People tended to have more children for a tragic reason, too: because the rate of child mortality was so high. As the economic value of having lots of children in a household decreased, and health outcomes drastically improved, couples needed a new motivation for having lots of children.

(The mothers interviewed) described their choice to have many children as deliberate, chosen rejection of an autonomous, customized, self-regarding lifestyle in favor of a way of life intentionally limited by the demands of motherhood. To these women, children were “expressions God’s goodness and blessing” and were desirable for their own sake.

It’s about having a very important reason to do this, and the reason to do it then outweighs the costs, which are very significant.

But the challenges the women described unfolded alongside moments of great happiness and they were accompanied by the belief that their self-sacrifice would be repaid in a “divine economy of goodness and joy." In losing themselves, she said, the women found their identity.

(https://www.deseret.com/family/2024/04/23/birth-dearth-catherine-pakaluk-fertility-rate-utah/)

 

This is the book we discussed at our Book Club meeting this week. I liked this book because it made me think, and the drawings were wonderful! Mr. Montague shares ways we can validate children and also how we can continue to engage in life in adulthood. Here are a few excerpts:

Two different planets: youthful optimism, grownup cynicism (pg. 98).

When wondering what in the world we could do for the children around us, better grownups remember. Better grownups remember they were once children, too.  Knowing this, they spend their lives as elevator operators, simply lifting the people in their midst to change (pg. 155). 

The trick is to trade in our childishness for things that are more childlike.  To trade in our childish fear and in return receive childlike fascination (pg. 272).

Be dedicated to wonder—see it, create it, and share it (pg. 274).