Sister Susan Porter wrote an article titled, "To the Spouses of Those with Busy Callings: Thrive, Don't Just Survive," and I liked her counsel.

1. Her first bit of advice is for couples to communicate and to share things as they really are.

"I’ve often heard men stand at the pulpit and declare, 'Through all my years of Church service, my wife has never once complained.' Whenever I’ve heard this, I have always silently cringed. I feel that a healthy husband-wife relationship requires honesty, ongoing conversations about 'things as they really are,' and discussions about what is working and what could be improved while juggling family life and callings."

 2. Next, Sister Porter encourages us to seek for the individual, spiritual gifts that are needed.

"Spiritual gifts will be key in helping you know how to meet important needs of each other and of your children while serving in the Church. When your spouse was set apart for their calling, hands were laid on his or her head, giving them spiritual gifts from their Heavenly Father that they needed to magnify their calling. You will also need spiritual gifts to be able to fulfill the extra responsibilities that will be yours."

3. We all need support.

"Simple questions such as 'How can I support you with the time I have available?' and 'What is most important to you?' can make all the difference."

 4. Embrace growth. We can grow together.

"We came to view ourselves as a team and learned to appreciate and draw upon each other’s unique gifts and growing testimonies. We ultimately became each other’s refuge from the storms of life."

Here are her concluding remarks:

"As I strove to support my spouse in serving in the Savior’s Church, I came to know that Heavenly Father is aware of every sacrifice, every behind-the-scenes effort, and every prayer for help that I’ve offered, and I have experienced His strength and love and guidance throughout my life."

(https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/liahona/2021/07/digital-only/to-the-spouses-of-those-with-busy-callings-thrive-dont-just-survive?lang=eng)  

 

 

This week we attended a meeting and I heard a man compliment his wife by saying that he purposefully looked for someone to marry who was "High Yield and Low Maintenance," and he found her. He went on to explain that his wife gets things done and takes care of details while he is away at church meetings, and he doesn't have to worry about her at home. He meant it as a very nice thing to say.

I started thinking that this would be good advice for a son who has yet to choose a wife, along with other qualifications.

Then I thought about our marriage and whether I have been high yield and low maintenance. Ha!  Memories come flooding back of when I have definitely been a high maintenance wife. (Making small things into big things, feeling overwhelmed, overreacting, my impatience, my high expectations....)

The definition of low maintenance is: requiring little work to keep in good condition. 

I want to be steady, calm, predictable and faithful. I don't want my husband to have to worry about me. I want to be independent but not so independent that I don't need him anymore. 

I like thinking about a thought or a sentence and chewing on it for a matter of days.

Yesterday the Bishop's wives in the stake came over for lunch.  So as to ensure that everyone got a chance to talk, there was a printed piece of paper in front of each plate with a list of assorted questions and everyone had to pick one question to answer.  One of the questions was, "What is one of your favorite hobbies?"  One sister said that she had recently taken up quilting and that she was really enjoying it.  "But", she added, "sometimes when I am quilting I feel guilty that I am not doing something else, like family history."  This comment was met with an animated response from the other ladies.  One sister said that it was important for a woman to "fill her bucket" so that she could continue to fill the buckets of others.  One sister reminded us of President Uchtdorf's talk about the importance of creativity.  Another sister added that when she takes time for herself that she is a happier person, and thus a better spouse.  More comments followed and everyone was united in the opinion that every woman needs a little time to do something that she loves to do.

I can relate with the sister that said she feels guilt when doing something for herself.  That has happened to me before.  Sometimes when I sit down to read or play the piano or sew, I set a time limit so as not to be there for long.  Why?  Because duty is so ingrained?  Because I am so used to being on call for people that doing something for me feels almost foreign or selfish? I do not know, but part of me likes the fact that relaxing is hard.  I agree that when women take care of themselves, whether that means exercising regularly, getting enough sleep, showering, reading scriptures, being creative, gardening, playing an instrument, or whatever it is that makes them happy, that they are then better able to serve in the kingdom and serve members of their family.  Of course, it is something that has to be balanced correctly--one can take it too far the other way and become self-indulged.  

Hobbies make life interesting and provide variety.  Yesterday I learned that one sister is good at braiding hair, another makes dolls, another teaches classes on electricity, another likes step/dance aerobics, another takes walks with her dog.  One sister paints, one sister made nativity costumes for her grandchildren, and one sister wants to learn to play the piano better.  I love the variety and I love that besides supporting their husbands, and mothering their children and grandchildren, that these women have interests of their own.  

(I am talking to myself here because it is hard for me to leave "the routine" each day.)

Last Saturday we had the great privilege of hearing from Elder Anderson and his wife. I wrote down a couple of lines--

Sister Anderson said:  "I thank the Lord for the privilege of walking through my life with a man of faith."

Elder Anderson bore testimony of the Savior and then added:  "He is not absent from his prophet and His apostles."