Me Thinks

Last night Matthew and I read about Thomas Marsh. These lines affected me:

Marsh’s bitter feelings toward the Church kept him away for almost two decades. At some point in the mid-1850s, having lost his wife and suffering from health problems, Marsh determined to reunite with the Church. His regret and repentance appeared to be humble and genuine. Writing to Heber C. Kimball in Salt Lake City, Marsh lamented, “The Lord could get along very well without me and He has lost nothing by my falling out of the ranks; But O what have I lost?!”

After Marsh’s arrival in Salt Lake City in September 1857, Brigham Young allowed him to address the Saints. In a weakened voice, Marsh explained his apostasy and asked for forgiveness:

"I have frequently wanted to know how my apostacy began, and I have come to the conclusion that I must have lost the Spirit of the Lord out of my heart.

"The next question is, ‘How and when did you lose the Spirit?’ I became jealous of the Prophet, and then I saw double, and overlooked everything that was right, and spent all my time in looking for the evil; and then, when the Devil began to lead me, it was easy for the carnal mind to rise up, which is anger, jealousy, and wrath. I could feel it within me; I felt angry and wrathful; and the Spirit of the Lord being gone, as the Scriptures say, I was blinded, … I got mad, and I wanted everybody else to be mad.”

After Marsh spoke, Brigham Young asked for a vote receiving Thomas B. Marsh back into full fellowship as a member of the Church, and not a hand was raised in opposition.

(Revelations in Context 59, 60)

 

I think these words about Thomas Marsh are so telling and insightful. Thomas admitted that the Lord can "get along very well without" him, and he came to the realization that he had lost much when he stepped away. When Thomas left Missouri with his family and subsequently wrote horrible, slanderous things about the prophet Joseph and the church members, the state of Missouri used his testaments as fuel for the extermination order against the saints. I am sure that nineteen years later when he stood before the congregation in Salt Lake asking for forgiveness, there were some in the audience who remembered him, what he had written, and the conditions that followed because of his actions. But they forgave him and received him back into full fellowship. This is glorious. It would have been easy for him to stay away and hide his face. I am grateful that he had the courage to come back.