Lois Collins wrote an interesting article for the Deseret News this week titled, "1 Size Does Not Fit All". Lois quotes several excerpts and shares the information garnered from numerous studies:
A new study from University of Houston researchers found that as additional children are born into a family, the prospects seem to dim for the earlier-born kids.
According to a 2012 study from the London School of Economics and Politics, data on 17,000 people linked smaller family size to greater intelligence in children.
In Great Britain, the more children, the greater the likelihood a child had behavioral problems.
Asked to name the ideal number of children for a family, more than half of both men and women said two, while more than a quarter set the number at three. Not quite 10 percents selected four children as ideal, while the number selecting five or more children totaled 3 percent. (recent American Family Survey for the Deseret News and the Brigham Young University Center for the Study of Elections and Democracy)
The kind of intensive parenting that comes with this new economy is much harder to do the more kids there are. It's harder in large families to provide concerted cultivation, which is a very focused, learning-centered way of child rearing. (quoting Kay Hymowitz)
We all have holes in our foundation. None of us has got perfect everything, so we can do things to work on it and change paths if needed. (quoting Warnick)
Having sibling relationships gives kids lots of opportunities for learning cooperation, for conflict resolution, for dealing with different personalities and attitudes. (quoting Alex Jensen)
Children with siblings played and related better with classmates in kindergarten, compared to singletons. They were friendlier and better at expressing feelings and empathy.
When all the expectations, hopes and fears are focused on just one child, parents easily can become overprotective and indulgent without even realizing it. She may be pushed to overachieve, and she may receive so much doting attention that she becomes selfish.
Siblings help shape each other.
The quotes and studies shared at the beginning of the article seemed to favor small family size, but then Lois tried to fairly represent the other side--the benefits of a larger family size. What is my take on this? Well, first I would say that this is a highly personal matter. There are some parents or individuals who for a number of reasons want a small family size. There are others that would like more children but are not able to have them. There are parents who have many children who struggle to give them the basic necessities, emotionally and physically. Each set of parents is different, each child is different, and every circumstance is unique. Parenting is a challenge no matter how many children you have. It is not my intent to judge anyone.
I do not believe that studies should be the basis of one's decision. Though I cannot argue the outcomes of the studies, I disagree with the implications and the implied advice.
For me, it has been a precious blessing to have siblings. I have loved coming from a large family and I wouldn't want it any other way. When I was young I loved playing with my siblings. I have always enjoyed being with them, talking with them, and learning from them. I don't know if our intelligence is less than it could have been, or if our behavioral problems increased as our family size did, but I know that our parents nurtured in us a feeling of love towards one another. I have felt supported and encouraged by my siblings through the years, and they are there for me in the good and the bad times.
My favorite line of the article was this: "Siblings help shape each other." So true. My siblings have helped to shape me and I love each and every one of them.
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