Me Thinks

Today I was asked to share a few thoughts on when I have felt God's love in my life.

Thankfully, I feel God's love frequently and I feel close to Him.  When I see the snow capped mountains, or when I see a pink tinge in the sky, or when I see striking cloud formations, or a clear blue sky, I take it personally as if it were a sign from the Lord to me, and I feel His love.  When someone says something kind to me, or if I am the recipient of a kind gesture, I feel God's love.  God's love can come through others to me.  When I read the scriptures I feel God speaking to me and I feel of His love and direction.  When I pray I feel God's love for me.  He listens and He is kind and patient.  He is a loving Father in heaven.

This month in the February Ensign, Brother Sears says, "I can find evidences of God's love for me in the good and the bad, the joy and the suffering."

It is easy to feel God's love when things are rosy in life, but can I feel God's love for me in the hard times and in the suffering?  Yes, I can.

23 years ago I was pregnant with a baby girl who only had a brain stem, not a full brain.  Her head was filled with water and was expanding, and so the doctors recommended that we terminate her life because she would not be able to sustain life outside of the womb and she was a health risk to me.  I did not want to terminate life because I felt her moving and so we waited and stalled.  Finally it came time to proceed with labor.  I told Matthew to drop me off at the hospital that morning, that I would be fine and that he could come back later after getting the children up and off to school.  I thought it was considerate that I was placed in a labor room at the end of a hall so that I would not hear the cries of the other babies being born that day.  I was hooked up to pitocin and the labor pains started.  I wanted to run away somewhere and not go through what I knew I needed to go through.  Labor is always difficult, but the reward of holding a new baby makes it worth it, although this time I knew I would not be holding a living baby after the labor.  A nurse walked into the room and with love and sensitivity she said, "I wore my waterproof mascara today and we are going to get through this and I will cry right along with you", and we did get through it and we did cry together.  I should mention that Matthew came back and was beside me during the labor too.  Oh how I loved that nurse.  She was a manifestation of God's love as she ministered to me.

The lesson I learned 23 years ago was this--God does not always take away the trial, even though we sometimes plead for it to be taken away, but he softens it and He makes it bearable.  He sends people to help us carry our burden and/or he strengthens our shoulders so that we can better bear our trials up.  Yes I have felt the Lord's love in hard times.  If I am sensitive and aware, I can feel the Lord's love every day.

I want to bear my witness that God the Father is aware of us.  I want to testify that Jesus Christ knows  what we are going through and that He has felt what we are feeling and that He can succor us in our trials and infirmities.