Me Thinks

I have noticed a human tendency that I want to avoid.  It is the tendency to "one-up" or minimize someone when they say something.  Let me give a couple of examples:

Someone in my class says, "I am so busy this week.  I have a test in two classes and a paper due in another.  I'll get it all done but it's going to be crazy for a few days."  
Another person says, "Oh, how many credits are you taking?"
And the first person replies, "14."
Then the second person says, "I'm taking 16."

I tell someone that I am busy with the details of planning a son's wedding.  The person replies, "At least it is not a bride's wedding!"

OK, let's look at the first example.  Why is it that when one person opens up a little to express a feeling or a hard circumstance that they are dealing with, that another person has to "trump" it?  I've seen it with different subjects--health, length of labor in delivering a baby, number of children, number of hours you work, things you need to do, people you have met, callings, car trouble, and the list goes on.  I guess it is a natural tendency for people to say in effect, "I know what you are going through or dealing with because I have done that and more."  But I think that when we counter with a higher number, or an "I've been there, I've done that" type statement, we have to be careful to not minimize what the person is going through.  One person may have a hard time adjusting to one thing--one baby, or one large bill that is due, or one college class, or one new recipe, and they are working through it and they open up for a moment to express themselves.  I know I have been in that situation before.   And then someone trumps it, or tells them that it is no big deal, or that they handled more.  

I'm sure that I have done this exact thing before, but I am trying to be aware.  

The second example is one person trying to make another person feel better by bringing up a harder trial. "We had a fire in the kitchen."
"At least the whole house didn't burn down!"

"My car isn't working today."
"At least you have a car!"

Again, perhaps the second person is trying to make the first person feel grateful for what they do have, but I think it is minimizing the pain that the first person feels.

I know that I have to have a thick skin and that I cannot be overly sensitive to what people say.  The listeners in each of these cases could have truly been trying to help, and perhaps saying something is better than nothing at all, but today I am advocating listening, empathizing, offering a simple, "I'm sorry for you", or "That sounds hard."  That's it.  Don't trump it, don't minimize it, don't tell me about the time you handled four times what I am handling.  Just listen for a minute because you see, it could be that in just telling my problem to you, just vocalizing it and having you express one sentence of love, that I feel better.  It is true.  It can be that simple.  Someone opens up, someone else validates them, and they are on their way.