Me Thinks

Today I cried and that is not usual for me. I try so hard to be brave and not think about what or who I miss, but today homesickness hit and I let the tears come, at least for a few minutes. It all started with lunch. After the branch conference I was handed a carton of lunch. Three very kind ladies made lunch for everyone in the branch, and I appreciate their generosity and service. In the lunch there was a large portion of rice, a meat and vegetable dish, and some kind of sauce in a baggie. I thought the sauce was some kind of gravy to pour on the rice, and as I began to open the baggie, a missionary whispered, "Sister Clarke, don't open that. You don't want to eat that." I asked, "Why? What is it?" The missionary answered, "Pig's blood." I did not open the baggie. I ate a little rice and a few bites of the meat and vegetable dish and then I shut the carton lid. Oh, I should mention that no utensils were handed out. A few people were given hand baggies to eat their food with, but then the baggies ran out so people were eating with their bare hands. 

Then before leaving the chapel, I needed to use the CR (comfort room is what they call a restroom here). I always put off using the CR because the condition of the bathrooms is really disappointing. Sure enough there was no soap, not even a sink, no toilet paper, and the bathroom was very dirty.

When we started the drive home, I began to think of family members I missed at home and a wave of homesickness hit. I thought, "I don't want to be here with pig's blood and dirty bathrooms! I am a lady! I am not used to living like this! I would really like to be with my children on Mother's Day!" The tears fell for about five minutes and then I pulled myself together. It is important for me to stay focused on the blessings of serving here and the beauty found in the people and the country. As is the case with any endeavor, you find what you are looking for. If I focus on all that I miss, I will be miserable, but if I focus on the blessings of being here, I will find happiness. When we arrived home a couple of hours later, I purposefully kicked myself out the door to visit the female senior missionaries and wish them a happy Mother's Day. 

I must not think inward, but outward. This is all good for me and I am experiencing and learning a lot.