Me Thinks

This book was recommended to me and I thought it was excellent and helpful. Though we no longer have children in the home, there are principles here that will strengthen all relationships. Here are a few thoughts from John Gottman:

One of the most important responsibilities as parents is to listen to our children, hearing not only their words, but the feelings behind their words (pg. 34).

Children—like all people—have reasons for their emotions, whether they can articulate those reasons or not. Whenever we find our children getting angry or upset over an issue that seems inconsequential, it may help to step back and look at the big picture of what’s going on in their lives (pg. 91).

Some children don’t get the chance to make even the smallest choices—such as what to wear, what to eat, how to spend their time. Many such grow up without a strong sense of their own likes and dislikes. Some never learn how to make choices at all. All of this hinders a child’s ability to act responsibly (pg. 120).

Raising children brings about steady change.  As our kids grow, we continually adjust our lives to accommodate their latest needs, fears, interests, and competencies.  And yet, despite all the changes, there is one constant: each child’s desire for an emotional connection with loving, caring adults (pg. 185).

The road map for being a good parent is the same road map for improving marriage. The same interpersonal style that parents practice—emotionally aware, empathetic, and open to joint problem solving—is a good style for their marriage (pg. 139).