Me Thinks

 I would like to share some words from Jennifer Blaylock about beauty:

When I was a girl my mother told me this:

"I'm glad my daughters aren't beautiful." (She had four of them.)

"My daughters are interesting and smart and clever instead."

The words stung and penetrated deep into my soul.

My mother is not a wretched woman.  I think in her own way she meant that statement to be a compliment.  "Honey, I am so proud of the brilliant, independent, interesting person you're becoming.  You are so much more than your beautiful face."

But somehow, by default of my tender age, I missed that.

And maybe no one ever told her she was beautiful.

How could I be so hideous (my words now) and unattractive to the one person in the world who was supposed to love me best?

The explanation: It must be true.

In my mothering, maybe I've gone overboard in the opposite direction.

I think my children are beautiful, and I tell them every chance I get.

Truly, they are  more than likely to heart it at least once a day.

Am I raising children who are disproportionately preoccupied with the way that others see the, rather than how they see themselves? Maybe the key is not comparing their faces to anyone else's.  

 They watch me drink in every last inch of their faces, and they know that I love what I see--because I tell them so.

 Sometimes I worry.  Have I told them they are beautiful too much? If the knowledge that their mama thinks they are beautiful has helped them to weather these early thunderstorms of life, if the knowledge that their mama thinks they're beautiful has given them the quiet confidence to get back up when they are pushed down, if the knowledge that their mama thinks they're beautiful helps them on their journey to discovering who they are and all they can accomplish, then I'm happy to have give it.

(From Why I Don't Hide My Freckles Anymore: Perspectives on True Beauty, edited by LaNae Valentine and Lisa Tensmeyer Hansen)

Sadly, I was like the first mother mentioned in that I did not overly dwell on looks or compliment our children on beauty, not wanting my children to be conceited, and also desiring to emphasize their inner qualities. I now realize that I may have gone too far in one direction, and that it would have been appropriate and nice for me to compliment them on their looks and build them up in that way.