Me Thinks

In memory of my brother Hal who passed away yesterday--
When I was a child I loved you. You were an energetic older brother and you introduced me to fast music, dancing, singing, socializing, friends, swim parties, having fun, close tennis matches, ping pong battles, and laughing.  You loved life and you made every day fun.  As a teenage boy, you also had a spiritual side.  You loved participating in the Oakland Temple Pageant, you and your large group of friends were fully active in the church, and you gave great talks. I watched as you were ordained in the priesthood and served a mission.  

I loved seeing you grow into manhood.  You assumed responsibility for providing for your family.  You were a hard worker and you were successful.  Your tireless efforts along with your incredible people skills were a winning combination.  You were a devoted husband and father.  You knew your children well.  You knew of their joys and struggles, of their friends and classes, and you wanted to be there for them.  You were busy juggling callings, responsibilities at home, travel, and work.  You remained optimistic and upbeat.

I loved seeing your generosity.  Your home was always open to everyone.  Neighbors, relatives, friends, friends of friends--we all felt welcome and included.  I have been in your home for countless meals and firesides.  You always provided us with fun and silliness, and then we transitioned into spiritual thoughts and serious reflection.  You were kindhearted and reached out to many people in many ways, trying to lift their burdens.  You helped numerous people, many of which I do not know about. You were a great gift-giver.  You spoiled Mom and Dad with beautiful gifts and they enjoyed the items you gave them.

What is an optimistic and giving man supposed to do when life doesn't turn out the way he had planned?  Through your trials, you remained positive and your outlook continued to be "outward." It was through the last year and half that I truly came to know your soul, for one's soul is revealed during a crucible of affliction. Through it all you remained steadfast and loyal to the Lord.  One day about a month ago, when you were hospitalized at the Hunstman Cancer Center, I took a shift with you and apologized to you for being absent the day before.  I told you that I had gone to the temple and then I said, "Hal, I've been thinking.  You have everything you need.  You have your covenants and you have been faithful to them."  You paused and your eyes filled with tears and then you told me that your temple covenants meant everything to you.  I never heard a word of bitterness from you.  You were willing, though heartbroken, to trust the Lord's plan.  I noticed how you reached out to every worker, be it a top-notch doctor or the lady that came in to sweep your room.  You asked their name, inquired about their lives, and you thanked them for helping you.  I saw how you bore bad news (again and again and again), how you dealt with relentless pain, and how you fought until the very end.  I heard you singing hymns and greeting visitors, using up all of the precious and limited energy you had. What a hero you are to me!  What an example!  

I will miss you terribly.  We all will.  Who is to dance at the next family party?  Who is going to give us an impression or sing a song at the top of their lungs? Your spot can never be filled.   But oh, how the Lord will use you there.  I am sure you have received an assignment and you are eagerly getting to work.  There are hearts to win and testimonies to build, isn't that right? Isn't that what you taught me? You taught me so much.  I love you Hal.