Me Thinks

Over the years I have seen many people suffer from cancer and other afflictions.  Some of them have suffered unto death and I have been saddened and my faith has been tested, but I have never had someone that I love this dearly suffer so intensely.  This journey has been heartbreaking.  I can accept the fact that my mother has cancer and months ago I came to terms with the fact that she may not get better, but I guess I did not realize that it would be such an agonizing journey. Today I did some research on suffering and adversity and these messages lifted me:

Suffering can make saints of people as they learn patience, long-suffering and self-mastery.  The sufferings of our Savior were part of His education.  No pain suffered by man or woman upon the earth will be without its compensating effects if it be suffered in resignation and if it be met with patience.  I'm grateful that my priesthood power is limited and used as the Lord sees fit to use it.  Sickness sometimes is a great blessing.  People become angels through sickness.

(Spencer W. Kimball, The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball)

Sometimes--after we have fasted, prayed, and done all we can do to dispel clouds that have not parted; after we have gone into the dark and expected further light that has not appeared; after we have lived the commandments through difficulties that remain unrelenting--we simply need to turn things over to our Heavenly Father.

(Elder Larry Gibbons, Ensign July 2013)

The Lord watches over you.  You need not suppose for a moment that the Lord's eye is not upon you.  The angels are round about you and they will take care of you, and you may be peaceful and contented.  Every good man and woman is in the hands of the Lord.  They are before him, his eye upon them, his angels round about them that they might endure afflictions, suffer pain and buffeting by Satan, pass through scenes of afflictions enough to wring their natural hearts out of them, comparatively.  Yet God will take care of them.

(Brigham Young, Sep. 23, 1852, reprinted in the July 2013 Ensign)

So what has this journey done for me?  How I have changed?  Have I learned anything?  Yes, I have changed and yes I have learned things.  I have learned how deeply I love my mother.  I loved her in the sunny seasons of life and my love for her has grown as she has passed through this storm.  I have felt a desire to take away her pain and to trade places with her if it were possible. I feel deeper sympathy and empathy for those that are suffering and I want to be aware of them and do things to help them.  I realize that every day I possibly interact with people who are suffering in some way and I should always treat others with kindness and sensitivity.  As I have watched the compassionate hospice workers I have learned about charity and dealing with people.  As I have watched my mother and father during this difficult period, I have learned of love and loyalty, and of unselfishness and devotion.  I feel that my soul is deeper, that I am a better human being and that I love more fully.  I have learned of the sweet blessing of a caring spouse, supportive children, incredible siblings (and their spouses), and sensitive friends.  As I have tried to assure mother that she is not facing her trial alone, others have been supporting me. Our family is closer and stronger because of this journey. Most of all, I have felt a keen connection to the three members of the Godhead as I have leaned on them and been supported by them.  I am humbled by the fact that Jesus Christ experienced the pain of cancer and that He knows perfectly and completely what my mother is dealing with.