America’s newly identified
at-risk group is preteens and teens from affluent, well-educated families. In spite of their economic and social
advantages, they experience among the highest rates of depression, substance
abuse, anxiety disorders, somatic complaints, and unhappiness of any group of
children in this country (pg. 17).
Affluent kids are often so
protected from even the most minor disappointments and frustrations that they
are unable to develop critical coping skills (pg. 77).
The child who is
constantly admired for a particular skill frequently becomes less interested in
trying out new things. Children begin to play it safe and lose their
willingness to experiment and challenge themselves (pg. 143).
Affluent parents, who are
relatively free form the concerns of sustaining their household economically,
have more psychological space; they can “afford” to spend more time worrying
about their children’s performances and sizing up the competition.
Higher-income families also typically have fewer children, giving parents more
time to obsess about the details of each child’s life and to devote time,
energy, and money to polishing their “star” qualities. In spite of good
intentions, the levels of adult overinvolvement that have become typical in so
many comfortable homes and communities are startling and counterproductive. We
seem to believe that if involvement is good, then over-involvement must be
better (pgs. 137,138).
Parents need to reinforce
with their children the reality that it is not external things that help them
to handle difficult feelings; rather, it is the development of internal
resources that provide a safety net when they are struggling. Helping your
child understand and manage her distressing feelings, and finding ways to cope
with them, are life-long gifts (pg. 51). We want to avoid training our children
to believe that it is external rewards that are responsible for personal
happiness (pg. 53).
By allowing them to get
occasionally bruised in childhood we are helping to make certain that they
don’t get broken in adolescence. And allowing them their failures in
adolescence, we are helping to lay the groundwork for success in adulthood (pg.
79).
Yeah, allowing people to make mistakes and learn from them is important for growth, knowledge, and understanding.
ReplyDeleteHowever, it's also important to know that children from wealthy families may have much higher expectations in many cases. They may be stressed out because their parents want them to go to an Ivy League college or whatever, and they're probably more likely to have parents who want them to follow in their job-related footsteps (which they may not want to do). Their time might be more scheduled, too. They might feel like there's little room for error, which goes along with your point (it's not just about parents not letting them be exposed to making mistakes, but about the stark consequences for making them). Wealthier families may have more access to technology, too; this could lead to more exposure to text messaging culture, and social media (and a higher expectation that they would use it).