One of the defining characteristics of our age, at least in the Western
world, is that people are trying to find themselves. They are trying to
improve themselves. They are seeking self-care. They are seeking
much-needed therapy, through professionals and through any number of
resources online, through smartphones and apps and as many likes on
social media as their selfies and memes can produce.
We live in an era of increasing individualism, where our entire culture is encouraging us to live our best lives by seeking after and developing our authentic selves. “Pursuit of the self” defines modern society. Along the way, we are increasingly told that the only truth that matters is the truth we create for ourselves. Whole industries have ballooned up around self-improvement, with no shortage of advice. It seems, more than ever before, human beings are focused on becoming their best selves.
But what do we have to show for all this focus on the self? What fruits has it given us? We are seeing mental health crises increasing at a dramatic pace, especially among young people. Depression, anxiety and suicidality are rampant. Polarization sits at some of the highest levels in history. Trust in many of our institutions is eroding. Too many of us cannot even talk to each other. As counterintuitive as it may seem, it appears that a focus on taking care of and promoting ourselves is doing very little to help individuals or our society.
Christ taught, “Whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it.” And Christians lose themselves for his sake by serving the “least of these” among us. The ancient Stoic philosopher Seneca wrote, “Nor can anyone live happily who has only himself in view, who turns everything to his own advantage; you ought to live for the other fellow, if you want to live for yourself.”
We can lose ourselves by loving our families more than our ambitions. We can lose ourselves by learning the needs of our neighbors. We can lose ourselves by fighting less on Twitter with strangers and spending a little more time with our family, friends and people in our community. We can lose ourselves by helping our co-workers receive praise, rather than seeking it for ourselves. We can spend a little less time focused on how other people should change, and more on simply helping anyone in our circle who needs it.
Spouses can spend more time with each other. Parents can give more time to their children and less to their phones. Children can serve their parents and their siblings. We can all offer to help more in our families, our neighborhoods, our churches, our schools, in charitable organizations or in the military. We can spend less time posting or reading online about the world’s problems and more time actually engaged with human beings around us.
May we let go of ourselves by being a little more forgiving. May we look to uplift others instead of ourselves — not through quick social media posts but through actual helpfulness to real human beings in our lives, perhaps especially those with whom we disagree. That is how we can heal ourselves and our society.
To quote Seneca again: “It is
required of a man that he should benefit his fellow-men —many if he
can; if not, a few; if not a few, those who are nearest ... For when he
renders himself useful to others, he engages in public affairs.”
To find ourselves, to truly heal ourselves, we must lose ourselves in the service of others — even, and perhaps especially, the service of those who are different from us.
https://www.deseret.com/2023/2/8/23587813/the-dorchester-sinking-anniversary-chaplains-charles-david-jr
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