Me Thinks

I think these letters from a piece titled "Dear Mother Goose," by Emma Span are clever:

 Dear Mother Goose,

I am friends with a wonderful boy whom I love very much.  We used to spend lots of time together, but as he's grown older, our relationship has become more one-sided.  I was delighted to offer him all my apples and branches for his own personal profit, and even to be chopped down for his sailing hobby.  I just want to make him happy.  But is a "Thanks" or "How are YOU doing, Tree?" really so much to ask?

--Tree

Dear Tree,

This may be hard to hear, but while you see yourself as a giving tree, at this point you are more of a codependent tree.  I am not excusing the behavior of the boy, who sounds like a selfish jerk, but you obviously get something out of being a martyr.  Set some boundaries with the boy and then enforce them.  That isn't selfish; it's just learning how to take care of yourself and breaking this unhealthy dynamic.  Think about what would make you happy outside of this relationship--yoga, painting, decomposing into food for fungi and insects--and then pursue that.  I think you'll find that healthy boundaries are truly the best gift you and this boy can give each other.

 Dear Mother Goose,

I am being aggressively pursued by someone (I'll call him S.I.A.) who is bizarrely obsessed with getting me to eat "green eggs and ham." He has offered no explanation of where the ham and eggs came from, why they are green, or why he cares if I eat them.  I have turned him down calmly and clearly, but he is following me everywhere.  Nevertheless, S.I A. thinks I might like the food.  He has brought a mouse, a fox, and a goat to me, as if that would change my mind.  He is always polite and friendly; still, this experience has been very stressful.  Am I being unreasonable? Should I just eat his food to get him to go away?

Anon

Dear Anon,

This is a person with extremely unhealthy--perhaps even dangerous--boundary issues.  You describe S.I.A. as "polite and friendly," but there is nothing polite or friendly about stalking you and insisting that you try a mysterious meat product after you have repeatedly declined. "No" is a complete sentence, not an opportunity to bring goats into a debate.  Sure, you might like the green eggs and ham--so what? Even if you did, it wouldn't justify his creepy overinvestment in what you eat.  If you haven't already, block S.I.A. on your phone, email, and all social media platforms, and remain firm if he turns up again, with or without a mouse or a fox.  If you turn down his green ham 27 times but then cave in and try it, all you are teaching him is that he has to pester you 28 times to get what he wants. 

(Slate.com, January 31, 2019)