Me Thinks

Jessica Lahey recently wrote a book titled, "The Gift of Failure:  How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed".  Here are some wise words from an interview with Jessica:

Overactive parents, although well-intentioned, harm children's natural curiosity and ability to grow into confident young adults.  We have taught our kids to fear failure, and in doing so, we have blocked the surest and clearest path to their success.

I remember one parent talking to me about the fact that when her daughter went off to high school she was going to basically curate the daughter's schedule and get teachers for her that would work with her style of learning.  All I could think about was how that kid was not going to get the opportunity to ever deal with people who were different from her.  How unfortunate.  The reality is that we're going to have to deal with difficult people in our lives and difficult situations.  One of the most important things we can teach kids is how to advocate for themselves when they come up against those situations.

Over the past 15 or 16 years, I have noticed that my students have become more and more hesitant about making mistakes and about raising their hands when they aren't absolutely sure of an answer.  They are getting more scared and less intellectually and emotionally brave.  Much of that is coming from their parents not allowing them to make mistakes.

This is the definition of intellectual bravery:  kids who have been given autonomy and are intellectually and emotionally brave ask for things.  They ask for help.  They admit when they don't know something.  They actively seek out guidance when they want to learn something else on top of what they're already learning in class.  Most of all, they're not afraid of being wrong.

This is what happens to kids who don't fail, who don't make mistakes--they hit a difficult patch because everything gets hard sooner or later, no matter how inherently talented you are, and they want to quit.  The way you deal with failure is essential to whether or not you'll succeed in the end.

The very best thing for parents to do is start thinking long term rather than short term.  They need to start thinking about their big goals for their kids as opposed to the short-term ones.  We have to start thinking about raising competent adults.  

(Deseret News Article Sep. 16, 2015)