Teenagers' problems can catch fire, flare spectacularly, and then fizzle out just as quickly. Demonstrate empathy while avoiding entanglement in their disappointments. Be curious and kind, but unalarmed. If you are asked for help directly, use leading questions that suggest your faith in her ability to mobilize her resources. Do your best to let the teen provide the answers on her own. Many of the problems that trouble parents of teenagers will resolve themselves if you simply demonstrate confidence that your teen can handle them. By practicing respectful detachment, we are allowing teenagers a basic human right--to learn from their mistakes while they are still at home and before they set out for the wider world.
Our challenge as parents is to foster a loving attachment to tennagers' large spirits and ragged souls but stand slightly apart from their daily theatrics. Remind yourself, daily if you have to, that we serve our teens best not as active protectors or problem solvers but as tender, compassionate, composed listeners. If we give our children what they want (a servant), instead of what they need (wise counsel), we undermine their strength and create dependency.
(pgs. 101, 104, 112, 113)I have got to watch myself on this. The author makes it sound simple, but sometimes it is not. I will hear of a situation and want to jump in and help solve it, but I must stay back, be "unalarmed", listen, express confidence in the teen to solve it, and then not stew about it. Ha, easier said than done.
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