Me Thinks

When I started the month with a firm resolve to become more holy and God-like, I thought that this month would be a really special, spiritual month.  Yes, it has been spiritual, but I have been stretched in ways I had not expected.  

I have prayed each morning, asking Heavenly Father to help me become more holy and asking for the spirit to be with me.  There has been an unusual variety of things for me to deal with this month and I can't help but wonder if I caused some of this to happen because of my desire to improve!  (I know, I have heard the saying, "Be careful what you pray for")

Along with feeling that my conscience is more sensitive, another thing I have noticed this month is how the spirit feels to me.   I have noticed that  for me, it is not a voice, it is most times a feeling.  I get a feeling to do something, or remember something, or change something.  I think that I have become more sensitive to the spirit.  Sometimes I brush it off and think, "Oh, that is just me", or "I don't think that is the Spirit", but if it is a good thought, and/or it leads me to do good, then I follow it.

I have learned an important lesson this month.  I am far from perfect and I make mistakes every single day.  One morning I lay in bed looking out the window and the saddest thoughts came crushing in on me.  I remembered the things I was working on and I remembered the mistakes I had recently made and how even with all of my efforts and desires to do good and be good, that I was still falling short, and I thought, "I am never going to make it.  I just cannot get a grip on everything I need to improve on.  I want to become God like and holy, but it is impossible for me to become perfect."  Satan crept in and tried to tell me that I would always fall short and that my efforts would never be enough.

But then, the thought of the atonement came to me and I remembered the offering of the Savior in my behalf and hope surfaced and comforted me.

Bruce R. McConkie said,  

"Jesus is the great Mediator, Advocate, and intercessor.  

His mission is to plead the cause of his saints in the courts above.  

He makes intercession for them, advocates their causes, and performs 

the divine service of mediation which reconciles them to God. 

(Doctrinal New Testament Commentary, pg. 763)

I have learned that my efforts are not enough.  If not for the Atonement, I would be shut out of God's presence.  Yes, my efforts are important, and I will continue to strive and learn and improve, but I am yoked with the Savior and were it not for Him, I would have no hope.  Instead of feeling puffed up and mighty spiritual, I have felt humble and in need of the Savior, and that has been good.